summer reflections on life in general:

Life is complicated.

When I say that, I’m talking about life in general. As of right now, my life is fairly simple. I don’t have a job (yet! I am actively looking for summer work though, so if you know of some places that are hiring, let me know), so I have quite a bit of free time. I don’t really have any obligations for the next few months either… As far as the summer is concerned, life couldn’t be any less complicated.

As we “zoom out” a bit and take our focus away from just this summer, the scene gets increasingly more complicated. I’ll be headed back to college in late August– something that I’m reminded of almost daily by my parents, who are worried about my current “undecided” major status (something that only became a problem after last semester, when I began to realize that Biochem might not be right for me, and began to “explore my options”).

Just thinking about going back to school in the Fall raises my blood pressure… I have so many things to figure out before then. Do I want to continue majoring in Biochemistry? Should I make a decision now, or should I wait until I get back to campus so I can sit down and talk to the career services counselors?  What classes should I take next semester? Can I afford to stay in the dorms next year? Will I be able to juggle having a part-time job, a full course-load, and a social life?

These questions breed other, more concerning questions, like:

  • Do I really want to go back to school in the Fall?
  • Should I take a year off, move out, save up some money, and then go back to school when I can afford to pay for it all independently?
  • Should I join the military?

Its all very frustrating, and my parents are not helping by pressuring me to make quick decisions that will affect my entire life. I just want to smack my head against the wall, and have fifteen-minutes to think everything through. They don’t understand that I’m a very analytical person, and that I like to think everything through before I make a decision. They want answers. Results. Something solid.

What frustrates me is that they don’t understand that I want all of those things as well. I want to know what I’m going to do for the rest of my life. I want to know what I’m going to be studying for the next four-years. I want to have a job so I can pay for college. From my perspective, they don’t seem to understand that. It feels like they think I’m still a kid who doesn’t have the capacity to think ahead about how all of these decisions are going to affect me, and how hanging out in this “limbo”-zone of indecision isn’t good for anyone– especially me.

I GET ALL OF THAT.I UNDERSTAND. I AM NOT AN IDIOT.

When I think of next semester… I think of it as a fresh start. But the thing about fresh starts is that they are never truly “fresh”; all of the fuck ups you committed before still happened. They’re still on the record. You can’t deny their existence– your existence alone is evidence that you’ve fucked up before. The whole “learn from your mistakes”-thing that our teachers tried to drill into our skulls back in elementary school… I get that now.

It’s too bad it took over ten-years to sink in.

– Will

 

Friends Alive and Well, Sources Say

Something happened today… something different from the other days. It was something unexpected after days of near isolation. What was it, you ask?

I established contact with some of my old friends today.

OK, so that probably wasn’t the answer you were expecting, but it’s true; after spending a little over a week in almost total isolation (excluding the two or three days I went out and spent some time with friends), it was nice to finally get back in touch with some friends who were back in town for the summer. I was beginning to think that this certain group of friends met up and decided to vote me out of the group (the sad thing is that I’m only slightly joking about this).

I still haven’t been able to get in touch with Zach (another friend from high school, and he also went to MSU with me this year), though I suspect that this may partially be due to a need for space. We spent a lot of time together back in Bozeman (primarily due to the fact that neither of us had a lot of other friends on-campus). After spending that many consecutive months around the same person with little exposure to other people, I can see why he would be a little reluctant to hang out after only a week apart. In fact, now that I really think about it, I’m really not that disappointed that we haven’t hung out recently. We need some space– like a month’s worth of it, and that entire month filled with spending time around lots of different people– before we hang out again. After that, everything should be cool.

The main reason I tried to get in touch with him during the first week off was due to the fact that nobody else was back in town yet. I mean, there were a few people (Jon, Ryan, other people I know who went to school in Billings or Bozeman, etc.), but the list was pretty small.You gotta work with what’s available, ya know?

Fortunately, other people are back in town, and life is good. I’m going to be hanging out with my friend Ashlynn on Friday night, and I’ll be visiting Josh in Forsyth on Saturday. Plus, there should be a TFK event coming up soon, and I might have a job after this weekend. Summer break can only get better from here, folks.

Its time for bed. See you tomorrow.

– Will

mediocre monday.

I think Mondays will always doomed to be the least exciting day of the week, regardless of one’s schedule. Today was not an exception to this expectation; my day went fairly well, it just was not very exciting.

I slept in late today. It was nice to get a full night’s sleep after staying up late, but I really need to start waking up earlier so that my sleep cycle can get back to some semblance of normal. Also, it would be nice to show the doctor that I’m making an attempt to sleep better when I go in for an appointment this Thursday.

I’m not sure if I told you guys about that earlier… Hmm. Well, I have an appointment to see a doctor about my sleeping issues. I also need to get a few shots. It should be a fun morning of needle prodding, questions about my health, and suggestions to avoid drinking caffeine. It should be a “good time.”

An update on the job hunt: I have an interview later this week. It’s a job that could be either really awesome, or really lame depending on the time of day I’m working AND who I’m working with. Either way, I’m definitely looking forward to making money again. I really, really need to save some cash this summer, and the sooner I get a job, the better.

Money and job woes aside, the rest of the day went well. I went over to a friend’s house and played the new Minecraft game for Xbox 360. I was surprised by how intuitive the controls were, and how easy it was to craft objects. I could actually see myself shelling out the cash to buy the game if I had the cash (and a well-functioning Xbox). We played for a few hours, then I left to go home for the night.

Now I’m here, and I’m also ready to get some sleep. Hopefully tomorrow will be a more thrilling day.

– Will

What Happened Last Week & A Brief Mother’s Day Recap:

Blog projects are a curious thing. They start out with hope and ambition, and then life comes by and laughs at those silly aspirations, casts them aside, and says, “Here, focus on this. Forget that blogging nonsense.”

In some ways, “life” in this instance has a point; blogging projects aren’t really a major priority, and they should be put aside when other, more important things are happening.

Anyway, let’s get to the reasons why I was too busy “living” to update this damned blog:

  1. I got out of the house for a bit and spent some time with my friends. This week has felt a lot like house arrest, and spending a little time out on the town with some old high school friends brightened my spirits considerably (and I’m sure the coffee and clove cigars helped a bit too).
  2. I’ve been job hunting, though not as actively as I probably should be. I’ve applied for a few places online, and I put my name on a work list at a local utility workers’ union for a general laborer job. I’m going to apply for several more jobs tomorrow, and then head to my old job to see if they’ll let me pick up a few shifts. (I should note that the thought of spending another summer at ***** makes me feel physically ill.)
  3. I’ve been busy doing other things– like sleeping. And mowing the lawn. And feeling like shit.

(When I look at all of these “reasons” for why I haven’t been able to keep this blog updated on a daily basis, they seem like pretty poor excuses. To be honest though, I doubt you would have wanted to read anything that I would have posted during those days. It was a very slow week, and I hoping that it doesn’t become a trend.)

Anyway, now you’re caught up on what happened last week, so let’s get to today: Mother’s Day.

As I’m currently unemployed, I didn’t really have a lot of cash to spend on a gift for my mom. And if you’ve noticed the price of most quality Mother’s Day gifts lately, you probably know that they aren’t very cheap. So I had to put a little more work into this Mother’s Day than the usual “run down to the store, pick out a nice gift and a card”- routine.

I was planning on picking up some fresh-cut flowers and a nice card from the grocery store, but I decided to buy a live flower plant instead (in addition to the nice card). I figured the plant would be a cooler gift in the long run (plus, gerber daisies are some pretty snazzy flowers). I also made my mom pancakes for breakfast; this was apparently quite unexpected, as she felt the need to tell all of her friends that her son made her breakfast.

Now you might be thinking, “So you made your mom breakfast for Mother’s Day… big deal.” Here’s the thing: I don’t usually cook anything. I mean, I’m pretty familiar with microwaving stuff (TV dinners, Hot Pockets, Ramen), toasting Pop-Tarts and toaster waffles, and I’ve cooked Top Ramen on a stovetop. But beyond that, my culinary experience is pretty much non-existent. My dad cooks everything in our house, and I’ve never really had much of an interest in cooking.

So, the fact that I would even be able to cook a decent breakfast was amazing to her, let alone the fact that I chose to to do this for her, on Mother’s Day.

So yeah, I did a pretty good job for Mother’s Day on a budget.

The rest of the day went well. We went to the store to pick up some groceries, mom bought a new purse at the mall, and we had dinner together at home. It was a good day.

I also managed to fit in a little time to work-out at the end of the day. I did a quick warm-up on the elliptical machine, and then went downstairs to lift weights. Now, I just need to lift and do some long-distance running everyday. Oh, and do a lot of situps and crunches (Iwill get those six-pack abs this summer).

That’s all I got for today (and last week). Stay tuned.

– Will

 

Tuesday Recap:

Wow… we’re not even a week in to the summer, and I already missed a day. Cool.

Anyway, I’ll give you a quick breakdown of what happened on Tuesday: absolutely nothing.

Seriously, it was a pathetic waste of a day. I went up to MSU-B to see if I could get into a class, and found out that I would probably be wait-listed. After that, I drove back to my house, went for a run, and then played some Halo: Reach before bed.

I guess the only really exciting part of the day happened during my run. Right at the beginning of my run, an angry dog ran out of someone’s driveway and started chasing me. That was cool. I think the adrenaline rush from sprinting away from the dog helped me run farther. I also seen a few sheriffs… and after my experiences with cops last summer, I was less than thrilled to see them– especially when they pulled off into a driveway a dozen yards ahead of where I was running.

Thankfully they were busy checking something else out though, and the rest of my run went relatively smooth.

Anyway, I’m going to try and make today a more awesome day. See you back here later.

– Will

“Sounds like somebody has a case of the Mondays!”

Today was weird. Really weird.

Imagine what it’s like to wake up to the sounds of hammering, saw-buzzing, and lumber being tossed around. If you can’t quite grasp how that would feel, let’s just say that it’s somewhat disconcerting. Additionally, I realized that I woke up a couple of hours later than I wanted. It wasn’t a very fun way to wake up.

Anyway, the reason for all of the loud construction noises is that the stairs in my house are being fixed. About a year ago, we had most of the flooring in our house switched from carpet to hardwood. After about a year and a half of issues with the flooring (including having to replace one entire set of wood flooring with a different type due to a factory issue), this might be the last time that the flooring will have to be worked on. I’m happy to see an end to this flooring nightmare, but I hate it when strange people are in the house. It makes doing everyday things an awkward affair, as you’re constantly aware of the fact that someone else is in the house, working, and that you might be interrupting their work every time you need to go up or down the stairs.

It’s just weird… I can’t wait for this guy to finish his work and get out of my life forever.

Anyway, so I got up, showered, and got dressed, trying to avoid having to talk to this guy as much as I could. It’s not like the guy is mean or anything– I just don’t want to have to explain why I’m waking up at 10 o’clock in the morning on a Monday. I then retreat to the confines of my bedroom and aimlessly surf the web until noon, when the guy working on the stairs leaves for lunch. I wait for him to leave, grab my backpack, and get the hell out of the house.

Soon after exiting the confines of the manor, I realize that I’m starving. I hadn’t eaten breakfast because I woke up so late, and I didn’t grab anything to eat on my way out. I stop and pick up lunch from a drive-thru, and then spend the next hour driving aimlessly around the entire city.

And I literally drove around theentire city– from the west end to downtown, from downtown  to the Heights, and then back to the west end. I wasn’t intentionally driving around aimlessly; I was trying to find a place to stop so I could finish eating my lunch. I ended up just finishing my lunch during the drive. After making it back to the west end, I stopped at a local cafe and started to get the few tasks I had for the day completed. I ordered a double-shot mocha frapé, set up my laptop, and scoured the local job listings. A lot of places in town are hiring, so finding a summer job shouldn’t be too difficult. However, I’m not certain what my availability will be like for the entire summer, so I can’t apply for anything right now. After bookmarking a few possible jobs, I quickly run through my usual internet haunts (Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and G-mail), and then exit the cafe. A cheery group of baristas shout a chorus of thank yous as I walk out the door.

I then head to the grocery store to pick up some essentials that needed to be stocked up on at the house. Shopping alone at a large grocery store is an awkward affair, especially if you’re shopping on a Monday during the early afternoon. I felt like everyone was giving me awkward glances as I pushed the cart around the store (it doesn’t help that I look like I should still be in high school). Also, the store was filled with a ton of slow old people who kept getting in my way. This got incredibly annoying  quickly, so I ended up ditching the shopping cart in the main aisle a few times so I could weave through the mass of geriatrics without slowing down. After I finally got everything on my list, I pushed the damned cart to the nearest checkout, and then got the hell out of there.

Lesson of the day? The grocery store sucks. Don’t go there alone, and don’t go there during the middle of the day. You’ll regret it with every ounce of your being.

Today was pretty uneventful, but during my aimless drive around Billings, I found a number of good places to stop for a photo shoot. Who knows– maybe I’ll get a chance to go on a shoot tomorrow.

It’s late. I’ll see you tomorrow.

– Will

hello, summer

It’s official: as of last Friday, I am now on Summer vacation until late August. So, for the next several weeks, we’ll be spending a little time together– we being you, the blog, and me. I have a lot of things planned for this summer, so things should be a little different from last time around.

As for my specific plans for this summer… well, I can’t elaborate on them in too much detail at this point. I’m not trying to avoid ruining any surprises for later– I just don’t know exactly what I’m going to be doing this summer at this point. However, the things I do this week will play a large impact in how the majority of my time is spent during the summer.

Anyway, I don’t want to spend too much time on this intro post… and it’s pretty late (1:13 A.M., to be precise). I’ll go into further detail about my summer plans tomorrow.

Later

– Will